Middle-class “Deendaar Muslim" marriages protocol with "nO-dOwRy-dEmAnDs":
Girl should be beautiful like a model. Height, weight, colour, features, etc... Even if the boy is the opposite!
She should be doctor or engineer. But should be a good cook too. And of-course, she should be "religious" but willing to compromise the Deen when required by in-laws or society, serve all the house members with a smile, etc! Plus she should not demand her sharaee rights too.
And since she didnt bring direct dowry, she should be willing to listen to the regular reminders and indirect taunts from the mother-in-law about it.
Her father should be rich. Should have own house and other property in "good areas of city". Should give costly gifts from before time of engagement till death.
Give good parties before and after wedding.
High class wedding feast in a posh marriage hall is a must. Because no dowry demand you see.
All her siblings should be well educated and "well settled".
The boy's father may be having "sunnah beard and dress" and the boy also "religious" and has a beard too and are namazi. They are "against" all Dowry and biddat. They are regular in ijtemas. Listen to Dars etc. But the boy's mother or sister or aunt or grand-mother or some one in the family have some "Armaan" (desires) regarding the wedding. So they have to be "accommodated" and boy or his father cant say anything to stop any pre-wedding or post-wedding rusumaat of their ladies (without using the usual terminology to avoid being called as biddat) which will mean more expenses to the girl's father. You see this is just for the happiness of the family elders! So dont bring shariah in this issue please. Anyway we are all Deendaar people and belong to this or that jamaat or organisation too and we want to spread the Deen!
And some people also have condition that they wont hire a maid for doing house work since it’s against their “principles”! So, the doctor/engineer daughter in law should do that work too apart from her job!
So, these are different forms of indirect “halaal” dowry... Some people marry professional girls so that she can earn and give all her salary (another form of dowry) to her in-laws or husband.
Agreed that there is problem on the girl’s side too. But in Indian society, the boy's side is more responsible for this mess. They dont see the oppression they are doing directly and indirectly. This leads to a feminist type of reaction from girls when they see how their mothers and sisters and cousins and friends are suffering. The result will be a destruction of Islamic family system. The most annoying aspect of this is that people who are otherwise "good" and Deendar" do all this and still consider themselves good "Muslims". We urgently Need to create awareness about this aspect of Deen. Otherwise, such Partially "deendar" people will bring bad name to Deen itself more than the ‘non-practicing’ people. It’s a big question mark on the real social impact of all our Deeni organisations and Daiees.
Social reality of our society is very ugly. Just some superficial Deeni symbols cannot hide it for long. It's our thinking and our desires that are rotten and unIslamic and based on jahiliyyah and kafir cultures. That’s why the entire marriage system is imbalanced, oppressive and exploitative.
We need a complete change and radical reform in this aspect. A strong and uncompromising will to follow sunnat and shariat to the core in all aspects related to marriage, right from the beginning of selection of spouse to every aspect of our marital relations. We need our young men and women to be rebels who are willing to change themselves and the norms of the society with out caring what others in the family or society say.
